“Fluff rice with a fork, never stir it with a spoon.
Vaseline is the best night time eye cream on the market.
You can buy alcohol and chips with your parents’ gas station credit cards.
If you force something, you’ll break it. That could be good or bad.
It’s important to read the care tags on your clothing and follow those instructions.
Related: don’t wash and dry j. crew wool sweaters.
Changing your car’s oil is not optional.
Whatever physical objects you acquire you will one day have to put into a box and move.
You’re allowed to disagree with negative feedback.
It’s always worth reading the instruction manual.
Nostalgia, like any drug, can be a poison or a remedy.
Pets are like human friends but better in every conceivable way.
Good doctors listen more than they talk.
You can’t fix a burned roux.
Just because someone is an authority figure does not mean they are intelligent/competent/right.
Measure twice, cut once.
Get your nice jeans and dress pants tailored by a professional.
If you’re uncomfortable wearing it you will not look good.
You’re not required to drink alcohol while in a bar.
There are a few things that cure all ills: the beach, your favorite album on vinyl, and fresh garlic.
Kindness is not weakness.
Baking soda is not baking powder.
Taking Excedrin P.M. while still in public is not advisable.
Terrible people will succeed. Wonderful people will fail. The world is not fair.
Appropriate footwear is always key.
You can absolutely be too forgiving.
Real humor punches up, not down.
Reading the assigned chapters will actually help you learn the material.
There are no adults. Everyone is as clueless as you are.
Applying eyeliner well is a timeless art.
You can always leave. Awkward dates, suffocating jobs, hometowns that you outgrow, relationships that aren’t growing in the right direction.
You can always come home again.
But it won’t be the same.
Life is too short for bad books, boring movies, shitty people, and margarine.
Never underestimate the importance of eyebrows.”
I'm in my father's class at my high school. He said this today:
Him: As some of you may not know, I'm a feminist.
Him: No, really, I am.
Class: *laughs again*
Him: Why is that funny?
Asshole: Because you're a man, and you shouldn't think that way.
Him: Well why not?
Asshole: I dunno that's just the way that is.
Him: I'm a feminist because of my wife. She and I have the EXACT same job. Yet, I make more than her.
Him: Why is that funny? Shouldn't women be paid equally as men?
Same Asshole: No, they're supposed to be in the kitchen.
Him: *slams fist on asshole's desk* Why?
Asshole: Because that's how it is.
Asshole: That's their job.
Asshole: *can't come up with another answer*
Him: I'm a feminist because my wife has the exact same job, gets less pay, and with that, I can barely support my three children. If she got paid as much as me, life would be a bit easier for all of us.
*note, my mother is a teacher like my father*
Him: Women gave birth to us, and now, here in the state of Michigan, they can't even have their own rights? It's 2014 people! Grow up or get out of my class.
Him: Now.. Louis XVI